(6 will |cry a tear) [29 Jan 2006|10:17pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Blindside- Shekina ] i hate all these ups and downs. Some days im incredibly happy then other days i feel like shit and am pissed at the world. or both happen in one day..multiple times. kind of sucks because i dont know why. i have in idea what triggers the change from good to bad but i dont know why i react so poorly. and i have to say that i dont like it. i wish i could be more honest with people but i cant. there are only two people i feel i can talk to openly and get an unbiased response from and neither is the person i always thought would be there. that kinda sucks but, hey, what can ya do? this weekend was pretty awesome minus today. i like hanging out at umbc and i'm glad im going there next year :) though sometimes i wonder if i would be happier in NY...probably not but you never know. so yea, this weekend kicked ass because 1)i saw mandy...a lot. and she makes me incredibly happy :) 2) late night/early morning double t runs and seeing a fat, ugly hooker with frog tattooed on boob 3)we fed ducks and then steph and 1.0 did chug a hugg...both were troopers 4) no curfew. sweet life. the negative part of my weekend can be summed in two words: eel.porn. countdown to linehan audition: 6 days.

(2 will |cry a tear) [08 Dec 2005|11:48pm] [ mood | rejuvenated ] i needed tonight. i've been in a weird funk lately so seeing all these old faces that i haven't seen in forever perked me up quite a bit. yay for people going to dodgeball!   wow so my friend Warren gave me this cd to listen to and i'm in love.  it is sooo amazing. it's like 15 guys singing acappella. they sing the instrumental parts and then one person sings the lyrics. it sounds like it's only 5 guys singing because they are all so together. it is so pretty. ugh  i wish i could sing like that. i am going to make all of you listen to it at some point...no use trying to resist...i will find you and force you to listen to it. just kidding but i recommend it. p.s. i really hope it snows....a lot.... i love snow.

(3 will |cry a tear) [03 Dec 2005|04:16pm] [ mood | drained ] soo i decided last night that, aside from troupe, i will not be dancing next semester. so next weekend will be my second to last performance at towson. other than this, i really have nothing else to say. except that i really want to go snowboarding this winter so anyone who wants to go for a weekend, lemme know. :) [edit] just kidding, i have other news. i'm a big sister. Her name's Sara Marie. [end edit]

(2 will |cry a tear) [02 Nov 2005|09:24pm] [ mood | pissed off ] SO, i actually got college stuff out this weekend and i felt as if this huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. i felt great... then everything got shot to hell. i have been in the worst mood ever and i apologize to anyone whom i have taken it out on. i dont mean to. i just really wish i could disappear for awhile. just get the fuck away for like a month but that doesnt seem like its gonna happen so ahfjrfhdjghfgj i miss my fucking car like i've never missed anything before. i really could use it right now.

(16 will |cry a tear) [11 Oct 2005|11:43pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Waking Ashland ] MEMORY!!!! If you read this, even if we do not speak often, comment with one memory of me. It can be anything you want, good or bad. Just as long as it happened. Then post this on your livejournal to see what other people remember about you. doot doot doot. so yeaaa you all should do this so i can feel the love :) recap of past...weeks. school. dance. dann and 2.0. SATs. hanging out in towson with ndp girls i have never hung out with before. oh, and accident. gotta love the rain. so overall its been, well, uneventful but i've been enjoying it. i like the mellow. plus, my lowest grade right now is an 87 but it can be easily brought up. and everything else is in the 90s. so im one happy student.

(cry a tear) [13 Sep 2005|08:04pm] goddamn. sometimes i really just think i should stop dancing. in other news. i did really well on my Bio lab :D And Mr. Dowling really liked my Philosophy paper. Oh I hope I don't start to slack off like I have previous years.

(2 will |cry a tear) [07 Sep 2005|11:39pm] [ mood | blah ] i was describing my religion class and it's grading system to my dad and proceeded to tell him how i am intending on going to this "Peace" walk with some people in towson. We get to walk around and hold up posters with something showing that we want peace and no war and whatnot. well, my dad gets the bright idea, "hey. you should make a sign that says 'A-Bomb!!'" good one. on another note, school has begun and i can tell that i am going to be swamped. homework and dance are slowly, but surely, taking over my life. i can't even try out for the musical at school (Godspell. i was pretty much guaranteed a lead role too) because i have a dance workshop the weekend of the performance. i could make everything else. just not the performance. lovely. but i have decided that i am actually going to let people see me dance this year. this is a big step for me as i HATE having ANYONE (friends or family) watch me. so, yea. i need to start taking more pictures. but that requires transferring them from camera -> computer. but issues with chord won't allow this. so someone -cough-dann-cough- should help :) and if anyone knows of someone who would be willing to make a dress for me (that i designed...woo!), lemme know!

(3 will |cry a tear) [21 Aug 2005|05:09pm] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | phantom of the opera ] florida is brilliant. i have been here for not even 3 full days but i am loving it. friday we got here and went out on the boat for a couple hours, just rode around the river. yesterday, we were lazy and slept in veryyy late, got up, went and got breakfast, went food shopping, came back and sat around, went out to dinner for mary's bday, came home and swam. then mary and i found some gel, so we decided to try and spike my hair/put it into a mohawk. mohawk didnt work but it got very spikey and, needless to say, we got some great pictures out of it. so our whole day pretty much revovled around food. it was super. today, however, we were not so idle. we went island hopping! it took us about two hours to get to the first island. it was not very crowded, at all, but it was still nice. the water was clear and very warm, very different from Ocean City's water. the only problem: it smelled like dead fish. hahaha. so we left that one and went to another. it was only about ten minutes away and it was almost the exact same as the other, except it didnt smell like dead fish. that was a plus. sooo stayed there for awhile, got some beeeeautiful seashells, then headed back here. so result of today: mary and i are like tomatoes.oh goody. heh tomorrow we head for Miami. check out the college and then the beach. Thennn we will be going to the Keys for a couple days. last time i went to them i got to go snorkeling and scuba diving. hopefully i will get to do one or the other again this time. so that's my recap of what's being going on in the place where "people go to die" or whatever. p.s. i have been taking tons of pictures as promised p.p.s. i miss you all tons : (

(3 will |cry a tear) [17 Aug 2005|11:46pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Midtown ] today was my partay! woo. 2.0, i am proud of you. just a little more swim time and you will have gone all the way with the pool. haha. so i had a very fun day, i hope everyone who came did as well. :) damn. i tomorrow is my last day here...then i leave for florida for 10 days. and then school. so i will not get to see my loves for over 3 weeks probably. that is scary. i have seen dann pretty much every single day for the past two months. ugh. im sooo excited to go to florida again because 1) i love the weather down there at this time of the year 2) i LOVE water. i swear i should have been a fish. but despite all the excitement i feel, i'm gonna be sad because im gonna miss people. heh im laughing at myself right now because, it's not like i will be gone for months. i wont see people for at max 3 weeks. i don't know how im gonna deal with this next summer if i get into sarah lawrence. what's sad is that, after this summer of developing so many friendships with the UMBC people, i kind of hope i dont get into SL. That way i can go to UMBC freshman year and then reapply to SL for my soph year. that is probably not a good thing to want but thats just the way im feeling right now. i am making a promise to myself (and sort of dann): i will not lose touch with my loves out here due to spending all my time in towson. that is entirely out of the question. so many thoughts running through my head right now not dealing with that ^ at all but i dont feel like putting them into words. it would be too difficult...maybe i'll make an interpretive dance because, as i discussed with Mike and Will today, i express myself much better in dance than with words. you'll never catch me writing an emo song or poem...just creating an emo interpretive dance. haha p.s. my cousin's gay friend thinks dann is hott :) and my friend mary can't stop staring at his "hott bod"--Niho Zem: haha, that seems to be a plethora of girls at any given venue :-)....so true. yay jb! hahahahahaha <33

(cry a tear) [08 Aug 2005|01:44am] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | The Knack-My sharona ]                       "I care". It's just I and a four letter word but it was exactly what i needed to hear.   <3

(1 will |cry a tear) [22 Jul 2005|01:17pm] [ mood | chipper ] soo i have been grounded for the past 3 days and today is the first day of freedom: my dad and his girlfriend are going on a cruise this weekend and i actually get to stay home. saweet. oh, so last night i asked my dad if i would be grounded this weekend while he was away. he said no but to go to bed early on monday night. i asked why and he informed that i am getting my wisdom teeth removed tuesday. beat.

(cry a tear) [02 Jul 2005|11:54pm] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | Black-eyed Peas ] lately i have been spending all my time with zac and john and occasionally nick and steve. it's nice because i have come to realize that if dann were included in this mix, it would be all the people that i truly get along with. the realization that i needed to look and see who my real friends were came from a very unwanted event but, hey, what can ya do. bitches will be bitches. today dann had a group of people over to watch some star wars. we were going to watch episodes 4 5 + 6 but ended up only watching 4. haha. woops. that was a fun time. after everyone left dann and i had a long chat and that was really nice. i miss those. <333 my danniel son. :) 4th of july...whats going on? The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

(3 will |cry a tear) [21 Jun 2005|11:20pm] [ mood | chipper ] I'm liking the way the summer has been going so far. i hope it continues to get better.

(1 will |cry a tear) [08 Jun 2005|09:28pm] [ mood | bouncy ] soooo summer is finally here.  today was my last day of exams so i am FREE! god it feels nice. despite me probably failing every single exam, i am in a super mood. a change is needed.  i have been very fickle this past year when it comes to my hair. and it's happening again. i need to change it. any ideas? no bleach though. p.s. who wants to go running with me?

(2 will |cry a tear) [05 May 2005|10:40pm] [ mood | sleepy ] tonight made me really happy. i actually got to go to dodgeball. :) i went to the heishman's first to see who all was down there. al alexis anthony? and some other kid. hung out there for awhile and then they went to get stuff from alexis' house and i headed to dodgeball. got to hang out with zac nick john and anna. then eman came. then mandy poo! thennnnn -drum rolll- dann!! havent seen him in a good month or so. it was exciting! and 2.0 was there! and etzel and then caleb came. i was quite the happy camper. it was a pretty chill time except that i was a dumbass and wore flip flops so my feet went numb. woops. eh oh well. it was fun. thenn i drove eman home and came home myself. kind of a short night but yea...it was good. so this weekend will probably not be that fun. dance tomorrow night until 9 then the school dance that i am seriously being forced to go to. saturday i have this dance thing from...4:30-9:45. kill. me. now. but i'm probably gonna stop by target on my way there and get some free coffee. maybe not coffee but something warm and free...hot chocolate maybe? anywho. sunday is mother's day and i dunno what im doing then. we'll see. <3333 night's like tonight need to happen more often<3333 p.s. having krimped hair is really fun.

(1 will |cry a tear) [01 May 2005|09:25pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | beauty and the beast ] i have come to the realization that people in towson like hanging out with me much more than people in catonsville. i love you all but im not feeling the love in return. take last night for example: i tried to see if people around here wanted to hang out. no one seemed to want to. later brian calls and asks if i want to hang out, and justin asked me if i wanted to do something with him. hmmm i ask about 4 different people in c-ville if they want to hang out-->all no's. i dont even ask aanyone in towson but get asked. seems like a pattern these days. today i had two dance performances which went well. then i went to the towson library and waited for steph to get off work. she ryan and i went to the towson festival and met up with dave m. then andrew called me and he came to the festival. when steph and the others left i walked around towson with andrew because he wasnt getting picked up til 8. awesome kid. can def hold up a conversation. nother thing i have realized is that i absolutely LOVE disney movies. they are the best things ever </3

(1 will |cry a tear) [30 Apr 2005|04:52pm] [ mood | restless ] [ music | Postal Service-Clark Gable ] giving blood was actually not that bad. except that, my friend meredith was trying to get me to think of the word that describes the feeling of the needle going into your skin. well, i spent about 2 minutes trying to think of how to describe it so i started to get really light headed and eyesight got blurry. but then the lady came and put moist paper towels on my head and neck and i got pampered so i felt better haha other than that it was fine...a very good experience. im glad i did it. i also went tp a college fair thurs night. it was blah except that i am now obsessed with Sarah Lawrence. yay. another school i will absolutely never get into. last night i had to go to this stupid dance performance. it ended sooner than it was supposed to so that made me incredibly happy. then i went to carmela's house :) it was very fun. today i cleaned my room. hell yea. yay for being productive!! haha [i really need to start hanging out with c-ville kids more] <3

(2 will |cry a tear) [27 Apr 2005|11:57pm] [ mood | nervous ] eek. giving blood in school tomorrow. dunno why cuz im pretty afraid of needles.

(2 will |cry a tear) [20 Apr 2005|09:30pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | techno ] Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States) brought to you by Quizilla

(1 will |cry a tear) nyc trip [11 Apr 2005|11:53pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | random ] the NYC trip this weekend made me the happiest person ever. i am in love. Friday-left for ny at 6:30 (beat) got there then went to Broadway Dance Center for a tap and then theater class. both were wonderful. i also saw someone from my old studio. small world. then we went back to the hotel and got changed and then went to dinner at Stardust Diner. that is one amazing place. the people were all so freaking talented...especially jeff i think his real name. maybe. cant remember cuz his tag said something else. then we went to see Movin Out. sooooo incredible. we got to have a chat with people from it afterwards. the people who came out were so freaking nice. god they were cool. end of day 1. Saturday-Got up way too early and went to H&M after our tour of timesquare. that was cool. got a really adorable outfit and it was quite cheap.the tour was wonderful since the weather was so warm and the sky was so clear and blue. perfect. then we went to Radio City Music Hall and went on a tour around the Rockette studio. then took jazz tap and kickline class from a Rockette. then we did a mock audition. that was awesome. not too difficult too. got all 1's (excellents) so thats exciting. im thinking im gonna try out to be a Rockette when i turn 18. then we went back to hotel, ate, got ready, and went to see a Martha Grahm performance. it was different but still good. end day 2. Sunday-Got up way too early once again. went on tour around Central Park. Incredible. i've never seen a more beautiful place ever. it fell in love immediately. then we went to take a jazz class at Broadway Dance Center. the teacher was hilarious and the class was awesome. she asked to speak to Mrs. Reiter after class and said that we were all so wonderful and talented and asked for her info so she can keep in touch. awesome. then we saw Brooklyn. it was really good. music kind of reminded me of Rent. nifty. then we sadly went and got our things and left NYC. :( i wish i was there seeing La Cage with Cass right now.or just there walking around Central Park. i am going to live there one day.

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